“She looks bad in yoga pants.” said no man ever.

A little while ago a good friend of mine recommended 30 Days of Yoga with Adriene on Youtube. If you would like to have a go or see what I am talking about this is the LINK to the yoga video.

My friend had started it and had really enjoyed it and found lots of benefits in it.
I few weeks after her suggestion my new pain clinic doctor told me to talk up Yoga or Pilates, and just do what I can and ease my way in to it.

I had to wait until I started some of my new medications so that I could start trying exercise and hopefully not being in as much pain. My pain is still far from under control but I decided that if I wait for my pain to be ok I will never start… So, after the doctors this morning, and having to have my medication upped again, I stopped by Sports Direct and got a yoga mat. I never thought that I would be someone who would ever own a yoga mat, or even yoga pants for that matter, but here I am, 27 years old and I finally own both. I’ve had the yoga pants for a little while now, I got them when I got my other work out gear.

I have been really stressed and upset since last night, I didn’t sleep well because something is playing on my mind. I was still thinking about it as I waited in town for my prescription so I thought “Fuck it, I am doing yoga when I get home, something has to change.”
I got home, and did a few bits that I needed to do, some might say I was putting off doing it, I would say I was doing my chores before doing my hobbies.
Anyway, I finally set my laptop up, rolled out my new mat, and pressed play.

Day 1 is just under 35 minutes long. Honestly I have never really thought that yoga was exercise, or at least not exercise that I am used to (contact sport or running, something very physical) so I was a little dubious that it would really do anything for me, surely it’s just stretching right?

Well turns out I was wrong, well not entirely, it is stretching, but it was amazing. I broke in to a nice gentle sweat, you know the kind where you are glowing and slightly shimmery from a very light sweat, you feel like your body is working but it doesn’t feel hard. It is the kind of sweat that you always wish you had when you see the guy you fancy from the gym or the sports club you go to, instead of it always being the one where you are bright red, leaving a puddle as you walk and you do that weird smile at him where your lip gets stuck to your teeth because you are so dehydrated. Well not today, had I been in the gym and there was a hot man I was trying to impress, I would have looked like I am fit and healthy and had just been spritzed like they do in the films to make it look like they are working out. I digress…

The pace of the first day was great for me, there was a few moves that I struggled with, but mainky because I didn’t want to push myself, the doctor advised me to just do what is comfortable and do not twist too much. There was one move that she made us do that actually left me in physical pain, with throbbing, stabbing pains in my abdomen area, so I knew just to scale it back again. Adriene’s video was aazing though, she showed you all of the different ways you could do a pose to suit the level which worked best for you. She never pushed it too far and kept to her word of “easing you in.”

The most surprising thing is that I loved it. Once the video had finished I felt so calm, and relaxed, relaxed enough to have a nap even (it could be the medication kicking in, but this time I’m putting it down to the yoga). I feel less achy in places, I really have stretched and I even cracked and popped in a few places as I did you routine, and it felt amazing.

I feel like I have done a really intense work out, my muscles feel like they have been properly worked, but at the same time I don’t feel exhausted to the point where I have to write off the rest of my day and I am not in any more pain than I was before and in some parts of my body like my hips I feel a bit better. I also cannot wait to do tomorrows video. I honestly never thought I would be a Yoga nut, but if this is the feeling you get, and it will only get better as I work through the month, I feel silly for never trying it before. I might even look up a Pilates one and see if I could do 2 videos a day eventually as well as walking the dogs in the evening. It is only a short walk at the moment as I physically can’t go any further, the pain is too much.

Harry wants us to start working out together, even if it is low impact, so I might say to him he should try yoga. I really think even he would struggle with some of the poses and would get a sweat on, and he works out all the time. I think it would be a good way for us to do something together, he wants to go swimming, but I am not ready to do that. I use to be very body confident – I never thought that I was skinny enough, I certainly had curves but I was very much in the mind-set of “I like it and that is all that matters”, I used to be so proud of my body but I was someone who took it for granted. I always thought “I could be skinner” but I never worked out, not since I quit playing football due to injury and I have always been someone who would lose weight really easily if I wanted, just by adding on a bit more walking in to my day. Before all this mess with my body and the ops I had a flat tummy, a thigh gap, and an arse that people used to love. I used to eat what I wanted, and would never exercise – other than sex and walking my dog. Now, I want to exercise but I can’t and my body is barely recognisable to me anymore. I had horrible scars on my stomach, which is also very bumpy from where adhesions are visible under the skin.
I have put on weight, but I have also lost all muscle tone. Now the muscle on my belly just sits there… plus I am still bloated from the operations. I have been told that it’s unlikely that I will ever be able to get a flat tummy back, because of how many times they cut through my stomach muscles and all of the damage that has been caused to them due to the sepsis and other things.
I hate looking at myself, and it doesn’t seem to matter what I eat (or don’t eat) how long I sit on the bike or whatever, I can’t seem to get skinny again. It is soul-destroying.
Harry keeps wanting to go swimming, but I can’t face seeing myself naked or in a swimsuit, I can’t ask members of the public to see it.

It didn’t help that I was looking through photos on my laptop the other day, and found a naughty one that I had sent to Harry… I honestly cried. I said to him, “I bet you wish I still look like I did when we met.” He of course said “You are beautiful now” and all those things that an amazing husband to be is meant to say, and everything I should want to hear, but it doesn’t make me feel much better. Because I want to look like that again.

I have found a 30 Day Pilates Body Challenge that I am looking to do as well, the videos are about 10 minutes long from what I can see, so that on top of my yoga shouldn’t be too bad, and I might try to work it so that I might miss a day of Yoga, so it might take me more than 30 days, and mix in some time on the bike, because doing all 3 every day will be too much at the start. But let’s see how I go.

I want to look so hot in these yoga pants I can wear them out in public and cause a couple to get a divorce! Harry already says I look amazing in them, but he looooooves my bum. He worships the booty. But I will get so hot in these yoga pants that every time I put them on, he will want to take them off.



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