How it really feels to be young and chronically ill

“Being young and sick is sorta like being elderly, except we lack the reflection on all the great times and great things we did long ago. Instead, we watch out peers make the memories and strides they’ll look back on fondly, bitterly observing and praying for our chance. Our time.”

I stumbled across this quote whilst I was scrolling through Pinterest earlier. Never before has anything regarding my health resonated so deeply. You might find it hard to believe but I am actually often lost for words when it comes to describing how being sick really makes me feel. Other than sick, you know? How it makes me feel watching people get on with their lives and hitting life milestones whilst I waste my time and potential in this house, dreaming for a cure.

I often hide my true feelings as I know deep down that I shouldn’t be jealous of other people, it isn’t their fault that I’m in the situation that I am. Doesn’t make it any easier though.

Tonight we spent the night at Harry’s parents for Father Day, and Harry’s dad said in passing that there is a saying that goes “70% of people who ask how you are don’t care and 30% are glad.”
He wasn’t talking about me, but the insecure part of me, the part of me that is ashamed at being ill, thought for a second that maybe there was something in what he was saying. It wasn’t directed at me – I know this deep down, but it has stuck with me. Maybe that is why now, when people ask how I am, I just go for “Fine thanks.”

Oh well, it’s late. I can’t think straight. Harry has been on call this weekend and he’s been really busy, meaning we’ve had a lot of interrupted nights.

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