Today I am going to take a stab at another topic away from my health. So bear with me.
Since I have been ill and unable to work, whilst at home I have started watching a lot of TV shows that normally before I wouldn’t have found myself watching. One of my favourites these days is the MTV Franchise “Teen Mom” and its spinoff “Teen Mom 2.”
Although I am not a teen mom myself I find myself sympathising with a lot of the feelings on the show. Maybe it is the struggling to achieve my goals in life or trying to over come adversity when others would have me failing.
So over my time I have fully caught up on all of the series from the very beginning on both shows, Teen Mom OG (as it’s now known ) and Teen Mom 2. I feel like I have watched these women grow from young girls who were about to undertake the biggest challenge of their lives to (mostly) beautiful women who have really triumphed (again mostly.) With the odd exception they have all tackled motherhood head on and like most mothers they have faced ups and downs but they have overcome.
Some of them have made questionable or outrageous decisions (I’m looking at you Farrah). Some have even faced addictions (Amber and Jenelle) and some prison time (again you two) and even a few trips to rehab for mental health issues. (Leah and Catelynn). Then fathers in the show haven’t always made the right decisions either. But over the years we’ve had, engagements, weddings, births, divorces and loads more.
Through my watching I have come to have my favourites, and in a weird kind of way I have come to really care for them and watch what they are doing with their lives with hope for them. These ladies, by welcoming MTV and the world in to their lives, have inadvertently put themselves out there to be judged on everything they do, especially the way they bring up their children and their romances.
I really do have a lot of respect for most of these ladies for the way that they handle the public eye, but I also think that they and especially their children deserve not to have their lives written about all the time. Yes I do see the irony here, but I will get to the point of my blog eventually, when I fully work out exactly what that is and what I want to actually write, because as I do there are 2 very different blog ideas going here.
When I first thought about writing it I thought that I was going to write mostly about Kailyn and Javi and their divorce, not from a “OMG You’ll never believe why they are getting divorced” way. Not in a sensational way. I want to tackle it in a way where I just give a frank and honest opinion on what is happening. It doesn’t really focus on Kailyn as much, it focuses more of Javi.
But as I write this I want to also discuss the fact that just because these women have opened the doors to their homes to MTV, that it doesn’t mean that everyone has the right to tell them how to live their lives and the fact that people need to be careful on what they actually report, because remember what is at the core of these programmes. The Children. The show is “Teen Mom” remember, which means that without the children there would be no show. These children did not want to be part of the show, although it could be argued that they wouldn’t live the lives they do if their mothers and fathers hadn’t signed up to the show and the public hadn’t fallen in love with them or become obsessed with knowing what happened to them or judging their mothers via social media.
It is important to remember that these children have no say on their participation and although they might get excited by the cameras filming them and being minor celebrities now, they have the rest of their lives to live, and at the age of 6 or under as they are now, they will forever be haunted by the decisions their mothers have made. They will never be able to Google themselves or their mothers without seeing every single article that has been written about them. That is going to be a really hard life. Could you imagine if every time your mum got in an argument with their partner online gossip websites and even trashy magazines write an article about it, made up of nothing but photos papped by photographers, or things stolen from their social media websites and then taken out of context?
Again I can hear many of you saying “Well that is the life their mothers have signed up for so get used to it”. Notice there once again you pointed out the mothers choices, not the childrens..
There needs to be a stand made. Although the word has reached a new level of obsession with reality TV and its ‘Stars’ people need to understand the fact that although these people open their lives to you, so you get a very small snapshot which is then manipulated to create even more drama, it doesn’t open them up to harassment, bullying and judgement. Allow them and their children to show you what they choose to, but keep your nasty comments and judgments about their lives in general to yourselves.
Saying that I do want to talk about Kailyn and Javi’s divorce.
Over the seasons I grew to really like Kailyn, she was the one I found myself drawing towards, obviously I love Chelsea (and others) too, and thought she was the kind of person I would love to be friends with. But also within Kailyn I saw a lot of myself. Apart from the media degrees. She is strong and she does whatever the fuck she needs to do to take care of business.
She also maintains a level of composure most of the time that is awe-inspiring. She manages her emotions (well what you see on camera) in a way to best shield and protect her children from any extra hurt. She has always done what she needed and what was best for her children first and herself second. If that isn’t the kind of mum that any woman any age should aspire to be than I don’t know what else is.
Research and watching has also shown that she has been through some of the most horrible things a woman has to deal with, and yet, instead of letting them define her or ruin her future, she somehow managed to get up and keep going. I think this is where my kinship with her really comes from. We both share things in our past that millions of other people go through daily but we have both tried to move on from them.
There has always been talk, ever since they first got together, that Kailyn and Javi wouldn’t stay together and they would split, almost like the world was wishing it for them. Jinxing a future and a relationship that had barely blossomed. I was really rooting from them from the get go, mostly because at first Javi seemed like the kind of guy that Kailyn and Isaac needed – at the time. I am not saying that Kailyn is the kind of woman who NEEDS a man. No woman needs a man, but through the hard exterior and the “I’m the Boss” attitude, there is a woman who desperately wants to be loved and taken care of, and she desperately wants a family and life for her sons that she never had.
When Javi first came on the scene, Jo (Isaac’s father) wasn’t doing the best impression of ‘doting father’ and along came this guy, who seemed genuine and caring, and a real family man. The kind of guy that would get a job and take care of the family. That is what he did, he took on Isaac as if he was his own and over time Isaac began to call him “Dad.” They are clearly best friends and that is why when I heard the news that Javi and Kailyn had decided to call an end to their marriage, I was heartbroken. I wasn’t necessarily sad for Kailyn or Lincoln (Javi and Kailyns son), I was sad for Isaac. I have watched how over this latest series he has really struggled to deal and come to terms with Javi being deployed as part of his job. Obviously it is a truly upsetting time for Kailyn, no one gets married thinking that some day they will get a divorce, and it isn’t a thing that anyone would really want to go through, let alone on television. This doesn’t even take in to account that the poor woman was hounded tirelessly online and in person about the state of her marriage. I’m going to say it again people…Real slow this time… see if you can keep up.
Just because she is a TV star doesn’t mean you have rights to the inner most workings of her life and relationships.
Over the course of this season Kailyn has had a lot to deal with, including a miscarriage, her husband deploying meaning she is in school full-time and bringing up 2 kids and 3(?) dogs all on her own, as well as fulfilling any MTV or publicity commitments she might have. The woman is nothing short of amazing, most women her age struggle to even do their hair or make up in the mornings let alone look as incredible as she does whilst doing all of the above. (I mean have you seen her Snapchat or instagram? The woman is stunning. Always)
A miscarriage is one of the worst experiences that a woman can go through, trust me I know. Last year I too had a miscarriage. The devastation it caused me is indescribable, and I wasn’t even planning a baby. So to lose a baby you had planned and hoped for must be even worse, so my heart went out for her, I felt protective in a way, again this is odd for a girl I’ve never met. There is nothing anyone can do, no amount of praying or bargaining can ever bring back what you have lost, and all you can hope for is support, mainly from the man you love and the would be father. I was lucky, Kailyn however was not. I think this was the exact moment my opinion on Javi changed forever. I had started to doubt him a season or so ago when his character seemed to be controlling and verging on selfish. Again I am just guessing here based on what you see on Teen Mom, but what I saw started to make me dislike him.
But once I saw the footage of Javi admitting that he blamed Kailyn for the miscarriage and that he had pretty much upped and left her to deal with it all on her own, my mind was made up. Javi was a bad man. He was a bad husband, a bad father and a bad role model for his kids and other who might watch him on Teen Mom. Stay with me here, trust me.
As I have previously said, having lived through a miscarriage myself, I know what the love and support of a good man can do. When I had my miscarriage I was filled with so much guilt, and I hadn’t even known I was pregnant. So I could sit there and say “Maybe if I hadn’t done that, or this” and it made sense to me, and you feel like a failure. As a woman you are given the job of protecting your young before they even enter this world. You carry them with you and they are a part of you. Everything you do affects them, so you start to look for things that you could have changed, which might have made a difference. After a miscarriage you also feel a sense of loss and love that you never felt possible. I knew I loved that baby that never was even know we never met and I knew I never wanted to feel that way again and wished no one else would ever have to feel that pain either.
Luckily for me, I had a man by my side who carried me through the hospital as blood poured out of me, and held my hand for every second. He held me when I cried, and he held me whilst I slept, exhausted. At no point during that first day did he weaken even a little for me. I since learnt that he was devastated. Hearing the news from the Drs that it was confirmed as a miscarriage was the worst pain he has ever felt, but he knew that in that moment his pain didn’t matter that mine was what mattered.
That is the kind of support that I wish every woman had in that terrible time if they must sadly go through it, and that was the support I assumed Javi would give Kailyn. Sadly not. This man – her husband – blamed her. Instead of supporting and looking after each other, they were arguing. In fact I believe he went so far as to leave the state. His wife had a miscarriage and he left.
He has since said that he was sorry. Well, I think it was his attempt at a sorry but frankly it was too late. He has said that he knew it was “nobodies fault” but “That was part of the reason me and you were fighting so much right after the miscarriage because I needed to blame somebody and I was taking it out on you.” I’m sorry but being “emotionally invested in that baby” (yes he also said that) is not an excuse for being a dickhead.
I could continue on with the miscarriage and his actions but I could go on forever and I want to address the next issue, but as you can see, I have lost all respect for Javi and he was showing himself to be selfish and immature.
Fast forward a few months and news has broken that Javi and Kailyn are getting divorced and on the most recent episode on Teen Mom 2 there was footage of Javi and Kailyn on Facetime discussing their future. Or as we learnt towards the end of the episode, certain lack of future, and it is here again that Javi once again took a bashing and let himself down in my eyes.
This man, who since his deployment, has acted on Facetime in front of cameras like Kailyns 3rd child. He is sulky and needy and in constant need of having his ego inflated. Yes Javi you are doing a really difficult job that takes you away from your family, but once your shift is over you get the opportunity to enjoy free time and do the things you love and to explore the country that you are in. Kailyn on the other hand doesn’t have a shift that comes to an end. As she said in the episode before this one “I woke 24 hours a day.” She never gets a break. Yet Javi has the balls to complain how hard his life is to a woman who is raising 2 kids, in full-time education and running a house. Again, look on her snapchat, her house is always spotless and her kids are always clean, fed and happy. I know this is becoming a bit of a love fest for Kailyn but really she is amazing. So I am fully on Kailyns side when she says she doesn’t really have the time or energy to keep going over the same “I’m sorry you’re finding it hard” bullshit with Javi. Get a grip man, do your job and focus on coming home. Don’t wallow in self-pity. Your wife is still getting over a miscarriage and doing all the stuff you used to do and more. If anyone in that conversation should be sad and feeling sorry for themselves, I’m sorry to break it to you Javi, but it isn’t you. With every Facetime that MTV showed the more I was hating him, and the more it was becoming clear that a divorce was on the cards. But the more you could also see Kailyn was genuinely heartbroken for Isaac, even before the decision had been made. Just look at the scene with Jo and Vee where they went to that activity place and then had pizza. The way Isaac is longing for Javi and talking excitedly for his return and Kailyn is sitting there clearly heartbroken about a conversation she is going to have to have with her sons.
Now we move on to the actual topic of the divorce and why this put the final nail in Javi’s coffin for me.
Whilst we have watched Kailyn and Javi fight and talk about divorce before, they had always managed to work on their problems and stayed together for the good of their family. But now, Javi has decided that the family they have made is not enough for him.
Let me elaborate a bit here.
The latest episode of Teen Mom 2 would have us believe that the reason for Javi and Kailyns divorce, and why this time there is no working it out is Kailyn deciding she doesn’t want any more children for the time being, and Javi’s complete failure at accepting this.
Kailyn makes the point that if Javi is deployed again, which is always a very strong possibility seeing as that is his job, it is hard enough with 2 kids, and she doesn’t want to do it with 3 possibly more. She also goes on to explain that she wants a career and that although originally she thought she wanted more, she has discovered how hard life is without Javi for long periods of time and doesn’t want to do it. Fair enough right? I thought so too… But apparently, for Javi, this isn’t good enough. Javi has his heart set on more children and he is not willing to accept anything else.
He even goes so far as saying he would resent his wife, for not wanting children at the moment. I must point out that in the same episode Kailyn can be seen saying to a friend that she isn’t saying NEVER to another child, just that at the moment she wants her career and it is too hard on her own when Javi is deployed. But Javi has decided that simply will not do, so he has decided that the best thing to do is to call and end to his marriage.
Now, I know divorce isn’t the worst thing in the world, but I find the reason that Javi is giving is one of the worst I’ve ever heard. I know it isn’t really my place to say, and I’ve been harping on about people keeping their opinions to ourselves.
But this time I make an exception, because it is Javi I am judging and not the Moms.
Javi is essentially saying that his desire for more children outweighs his desire to be a husband and father. Javi is willing to give up on his marriage and walk out of his children’s lives, to be a part-time father to them, so that he can go and search for another woman or women to have more children with. If this doesn’t scream, selfishness and immaturity than I don’t know what does.
Luckily Lincoln isn’t really old enough to know what is going on, but Isaac he is going to be destroyed. He is going to have his entire world fall apart and how do you save a child from that?
You might think that they won’t tell Isaac why their marriage is ending and why Isaac will have to deal with more heartache and loss. For a boy who feels so deeply I can’t imagine how he is or will take the news that Javi won’t be going home to him and his brother and mum. But what you have to remember is that this boy will be able to find out exactly why Javi left them, Isaac will be able to go online and watch the deterioration of this family and read all about why the man he thought of as his dad decided he didn’t want to live with them anymore. Isaac and eventually Lincoln will find out that their dad, the man who had promised to always love them and look after them decided to leave them behind and go and possibly have more children.
What happens when Javi finds another woman, and has other children? Will he finally hit a number that he is happy with, and then he will stay, in a happy family dynamic with these other children and other woman?
Take it from a girl who knows what it is like to watch your dad walk out and then start another family with another woman (Granted my dad is a total fuck up and he left my sister too) that it hurts. No matter how old you are you always wonder why he decided to stay and be a dad to them, rather than you. It makes you doubt yourself as a person from a really young age. This is something that I would hate to happen to a wonderful little boy. He seems so pure, and so honest, I would hate to see him damaged by this. I am sure that Kailyn will do her utmost to make sure the transition is as easy for her boys as possible, and that she will be there to dry all of the tears, but I also hope Javi realises what he has done. He has put his own needs and desires ahead of the people he claims to have loved more than anything in the world. Their hopes and dreams of being a family and the future have been crushed, destroyed and kicked to the curb so Javi can make more children. He is basically telling Kailyn and their children that they are not good enough, that they are not enough for him. I just hope one day he looks back and regrets his actions and apologise to his sons and to Kailyn, if he hasn’t already. I also hope that on future season of Teen Mom 2 we see his relationships with the boys stay as strong as possible, but I want this man to take responsibility for his actions and for what he has done. It will be a heavy burden to carry.
I do not want this in a malicious way, I want it from a “I’ve been there” kind of way. I also hope that people will give Kailyn a break, she tried to do as much as she could without giving up her entire being and all of her dreams, but sadly this wasn’t enough for Javi. He’s probably made the biggest mistake of his life, he was punching well above his weight with Kailyn and I can’t see him doing any better.
I hope they all find happiness, but most of all I hope that Kailyn, but more importantly those beautiful boys Isaac and Lincoln find forgiveness, and realise that they are worth far more than Javi ever gave them credit for. I hope they don’t take it personally, that they don’t blame themselves, and that they never doubt that they were good enough or that they did something wrong.
Anyway, it’s gone 2am and I am not even sure what I am writing is making sense anymore. I better get off to sleep.
Moral of this blog: Kailyn = Amazing, Javi = Not!