Being a journalism and media graduate I assumed that keeping a blog is something that I would automatically excel at and it would become the one constant in my life. Something that no matter what; health wise, location wise, mood wise… It would be something that I would be able to keep up with.
Well… it seems that I gravely over estimated myself and my abilities, but nevertheless, I am back and I am making a vow to myself; as there isn’t actually anyone else to make a promise to seeing as no-one else reads this. That I Emma Myra Stratton (soon to be Mattock) shall endeavor to actually write this blog and keep it up to date and use it for the purpose I originally had in my mind.
“What is that purpose Emma?” I can hear none of you asking, but I shall answer you anyway. For me this blog was a place where I could write down everything and anything be it gross, or funny, or sad and anything in between about the life of having a chronic illness. All you have to do is Google ‘Chronic Illness’ and you will find more websites, blogs and forums dedicated to the lives of those who like myself struggle on a day-to-day basis, however, I am yet to find one that is completely honest.
Many I have found are preachy or self entitled and many other things which I view as negative. Many of the sites I have found sound like the author feels like they are owed something – Don’t get me wrong, living with a chronic illness is a great injustice at whatever age and whichever type you live with, but I do not agree that everyone should pity you or automatically feel sorry for you because of it.
I mean there are times when I do feel very sorry for myself and I get my fiance to stroke my back whilst in bed together for a lot longer than any rational person should really expect anyone who isn’t getting paid to do so… but on the whole I like to think that really I am quite upbeat about the whole thing. Well that is what my doctors and friends tell me.
Maybe they are being nice? Or maybe I am just very good at hiding my real feelings regarding the situation. Or maybe I genuinely am taking the giant clusterfuck that has become my life really very well.
I’m sure through the voyage of discovery we…I…( I keep forgetting that I am in fact not Carrie Bradshaw and this isn’t going to end up in some magazine or book somewhere whilst singlehandedly reviving the Cosmopolitan and the female orgasm and women everywhere won’t quote me like some kind of Prophet) where was I? Oh yeah, I am sure through the voyage of discovery that I am going to take whilst writting this thing shall be earth shattering, you never know, but what I can promise is that whatever I write will be honest. Disgusting bits and all.